How to Confront Others Effectively


Most of us, without a doubt, dislike the prospect of confronting another person. So why should we? Confronting someone means having a conversation with someone about a situation or topic that makes us feel uncomfortable. It mostly puts us in a state of uncertainty, making it difficult to predict the other person's reaction or how it will play out. In general, we find it easier to simply ignore or avoid the emotional pain and discomfort of it all. However, there will be times when clarifying our position and drawing the line become unavoidable. So, what are our options? How can we effectively confront another person and come away with positive results?


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When you decide to confront another person, consider why you want to do so and what you hope to gain from it. Examine the benefits of taking such a risk and carefully consider the potential consequences for yourself, the other person, and anyone else who may be directly affected by it. Do your research. Gather enough information to be credible when meeting with the individual. Keep in mind that the outcome will be determined by both your intent and how you approach your interaction.

Set yourself up for success with these simple steps if you want the best possible outcome.

  • Before confronting someone, establish reasonable expectations as well as potential consequences if the person fails to meet your expectations. Rehearse what you intend to say and how you intend to say it to stay on track. Avoid sarcasm or any inflammatory words such as always and never, which could worsen an already delicate situation.

  • Keep your message to the individual brief and to the point. Stick to the facts and avoid overloading the person with a laundry list of problems.

  • Express your concern and feelings about it clearly. Be truthful about what you expect to see changed and your consequences if such changes are not implemented. Don't back down from your expected outcomes or consequences. If you appear unsure, you have lost control of the conversation.

  • Maintain emotional control before, during, and after the interaction. When you become angry, defensive, or distraught, your chances of success are greatly reduced.

  • Expect the individual to become defensive. Prepare to listen without becoming argumentative, problematic, or insulting. Maintaining a cool and collected demeanor is your best defense. Maintain eye contact, nod occasionally, and allow them to speak freely when the time comes.

  • Meet in a location beneficial to private conversation. Avoid distracting environments such as a crowded restaurant or a small cubicle at work where others can hear your conversation.

  • As with any stressful situation, deal with it as soon as possible. The longer you wait, the more complicated it becomes.

  • Stop talking after you've made your point to give the person time to digest your words and, if necessary, to ask for clarification. Avoid repeating yourself unless further explanation is required.

  • Do not make this about the individual. Concentrate on his or her actions and what can be realistically changed. Attacking a person's character or expecting the impossible from them is a recipe for disaster in the future.

  • If the person becomes aggressive and offensive, pause the conversation until they can calm down. To avoid further hostility, you may need to physically remove yourself from the situation.

  • Sprinkle genuine compliments throughout the conversation to validate the person's self-worth. Finish the meeting on a positive and satisfying note.

  • Do not apologize after confronting the individual. It will lessen the significance of the conversation and your message to him or her.
You cannot correct what you are unwilling to confront in both personal and professional settings. Whatever the source of your stress, create a strategy of action that will allow you to relieve your stress and move forward. And, ideally, your execution will result in a more honest and rewarding relationship with the other individual.











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