Being a Friend to a Cancer Patient
Most cancer patients are now treated in an outpatient setting, rather than in a hospital. During this time, they frequently require assistance, support, and encouragement.
Many studies have found that cancer survivors who have strong emotional support adjust better to the changes cancer brings into their lives, have a more positive outlook, and frequently report a higher quality of life. According to research, people with cancer require the support of their friends. You can make a significant difference in someone's life.
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Keep an eye out for other things you can offer your friend as you spend time with them and learn more about how cancer affects their daily lives. Examine how your friend reacts to various activities and keep in mind that the situation may change as treatment progresses. The best way to be a friend is to tailor your assistance to what they require and enjoy the most. Here are some suggestions for where to begin.
What you can do: Take notes and make phone calls
Make sure your friend understands how important they are to you. Demonstrate that you still care about your friend despite changes in their abilities or appearance.
- Send short, frequent notes or texts, or make short, frequent phone calls. Include photos, drawings from children, silly cards, and cartoons.
- Pose inquiries.
- Finish the call or note by saying, "I'll be in touch soon," and then follow through.
- Call at times that are convenient for your friend or schedule calls for them.
- Please respond to their messages as soon as possible.
- Check in with the person who assists with their daily care (caregiver) to see if there is anything else they require.
Visits are something you can do
Cancer can be extremely isolating. Spend time with your friend; you might be a welcome distraction and help them feel like they did before cancer took over their life.
- Always call ahead of time. Please be understanding if your friend is unable to see you at that time.
- Plan a visit that allows you to provide both physical and emotional support to the caregiver. Perhaps you can arrange to stay with your friend while the caregiver leaves the house for a few hours.
- Make short, frequent visits instead of long, infrequent ones. Understand that your friend may not want to talk, but they may also not want to be alone.
- Begin and conclude your visit with
- Always mention your upcoming visit so your friend can look forward to it.
- So that your visit does not impose on the caregiver, offer to bring a snack or treat to share.
- Try to avoid weekends and holidays, when many people will be there. A housebound patient may perceive time as the same. A lonely Tuesday morning can be just as depressing as a lonely Saturday night.
- Bring your own needlework, crossword puzzle, or book to entertain your friend while they sleep or watch TV.
- Play their favorite music, watch their favorite TV show, or watch a movie with them.
- Read sections of a book or newspaper, or look up topics of interest on the internet, and summarize them for your friend.
- Offer to take a brief
What you can do: Have a conversation
Many people are concerned that they will not know what to say to someone who has cancer. Remember that the most important thing is that you are present and willing to listen, not what you say. Try to hear and comprehend how your friend is feeling. Let them know you're available to talk whenever they want. If the person doesn't want to talk, let them know that's fine, too.
- Adjust your conversation to your friend's attention span so they don't feel overwhelmed or guilty for not being able to speak.
- Assist your friend in focusing on something that makes them happy, such as sports, religion, travel, or pets.
- Assist your friend in maintaining an active role in the friendship by
- Inquire if your friend is experiencing any discomfort. Make suggestions for new ways to make yourself more comfortable, such as using more pillows or moving the furniture.
- Give genuine compliments like, "You look rested today."
- Encourage your friend's emotions. Allow for negative, withdrawn, or silent responses. Refrain from changing the subject.
- Don't push your friend to fight the disease if they believe it will be too difficult.
- Don't tell them they're strong; they may feel compelled to act strong even when they're sad or exhausted.
- When conversing with others in the room, remember to include your friend.
- Assume your friend can hear you even if they appear to be sleeping or drowsy.
- Don't give medical advice or your thoughts on diet, vitamins, or herbal therapies.
- Don't bring up past behaviors that may have been linked to the illness, such as drinking or smoking. Some people are ashamed of their actions.
You can help with errands and projects
Many people want to assist friends who are going through a difficult time. Remember that wanting to help and being there for your friend is what is most important.
- Take care of any immediate errands that your friend or caregiver requires.
- Run an errand for the caregiver; it's just as beneficial as running an errand for a friend.
- Your friend may appreciate it more if you run frequent, scheduled errands rather than fewer, time-consuming ones.
- Look for ways to contribute on a regular basis.
- Plan projects ahead of time and begin them only after consulting with the caregiver.
What you can do: How to Offer Assistance
Some people find it difficult to accept help, even when they desperately need it. Don't be surprised or hurt if your friend declines to assist you. It's not your fault. It's more about their pride and need for independence.
- By your presence and touch, you can provide emotional support.
- Assist the caregiver. This will benefit your friend. Many people are afraid of becoming a burden to their family members.
- Provide specific suggestions for how you can assist, and then follow through.
- Assume that your assistance is required, even if family, friends, or hired help is also present.
What you can do: Offer gifts
Look for small, practical items that your friend may require or enjoy. Consider their typical day and what could make it a little better. It's always good to laugh and smile, so look for amusing things to do with your friend.
- Make certain that gifts are immediately useful. Small, frequent gifts are usually preferable to large, one-time gifts.
- Give a gift to the caregiver, it will be as appreciated as a gift to a friend.
- Insist on not sending a thank-you note.
Everyone, regardless of strength, can benefit from having a friend. Your symptom friend requires your help and support.
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